How to Start a Relationship

Be awesome at anything; if you are smart, show it off, if you are funny, make her laugh, or if you are good at sports, give a demonstration. Let people know how you are different. Look far and wide. If you find yourself without 'any prospects', then you are probably not looking in the right places. Think of what you like to do that defines who you are. Ask yourself, where would someone meet me ? If you're into sports or exercise, then look into places where people do those activities.
Look for someone who you can easily talk to. The most important part of any type of relationship is communication. If you cannot communicate effectively with your partner, your relationship will probably not go far.
Start by first talking and later making friends with the person you think is special. Most people don't like to jump straight into a relationship, especially girls. Find a reason to talk to the person. Make sure that they want to talk to you. Just talk about something that keeps the conversation going.
Be yourself and don't lie just to get to a special person's heart. If they find out later and you're in the middle of a deep relationship or maybe a time when you really need that person, they will leave for good.
Let the person know that you like them. Beyond the cheesy sending a note through a friend, talk to them about something you both have in common. School, parents, teachers, vacations, etc. Anything besides a relationship should be fairly safe territory.
Flirt. Flirting is a fine activity if you are interested in people who like to flirt. The social and playful activity certainly draws attention and can lead to a relationship. If it is not you, then don't bother, it is better to be yourself.
Take things slowly. Don't be too needy. They'll think you're just an annoying friend and you probably don't want them to think that. That special person might actually ask you over or on a date, which doesn't necessarily mean that he or she is into you. Give it time and things could work out. Once you have established 'first contact', remember not to squeeze the person. Try to continue doing your normal routine, with them in mind, rather than changing your whole life around them. Hopefully they will want to have a relationship with YOU, not a clone of themselves or a tag along.

How to Break Up pt2

....continued from How to Break up Pt1

Expect any or all of the following reactions.

• Questioning -- He or she will want to know why, and whether there was anything he or she could have done to prevent the breakup. Answer the questions as honestly as possible.


• Crying -- The other person will likely be upset, and it will show. You can comfort him or her, but don't allow yourself to be manipulated into changing your decision.


• Arguing -- He or she may dispute anything you've said during the breakup, including examples you used in your reasons for breaking up. Don't get dragged into a fight, and don't split hairs. Let your partner know that arguing isn't going to change your decision.


• Bargaining or Begging -- He or she may offer to change, or to do things differently in order to preserve the relationship. If the person didn't change when you've discussed your problems in the past, it is too late to expect him or her to truly change now.


• Lashing out -- Whether it's as simple as saying "You'll never find anyone as good as me" or as scary as saying "I'll make you regret this", he or she is usually just trying to make himself or herself feel better. Threats of physical harm, however, are serious and should not be ignored. If you feel that your safety is at risk, stay calm and leave quickly.

Distance yourself. It'll be difficult, but don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Your ex may try to get in touch, but wait a while (some people suggest six months) before resuming contact, if at all. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her, but it's time for both of you to move on.

Realize that breaking up is just a normal part of life. Yes, breaking up is difficult - but like it or not, this is a normal part of teenage and adult life, and as much as it is painful, it is normal. Sometimes you will be the dumper, sometimes you might be the dumpee. We all have heartbreak; it hurts- but we all survive it, and you (and your ex) will too.

Note: - If you are sure you want to break up with somebody, it is best done sooner rather than later. However, if your partner has had a particularly bad day already, you may want to consider waiting for a better moment. Breaking up with them when they are already down will make the break-up much harder for both of you.
While honesty is the best policy, you may want to focus on the fundamental issues destroying the relationship and not nitpick on the little annoyances that drive you mad. Those annoyances are usually symptoms of the underlying problems--we're far more likely to get annoyed, irritable, and frustrated when we know the relationship isn't working out.

How to Break Up pt1

Ending a relationship is one of the hardest things you can do, it breaks your heart inside, and your soon to be ex-partner. Sure, you have your reasons to break up with them, but how come it is still so hard? Because we don't want to break their hearts...
Steps

• Think about why you are breaking up with this person. If you are simply upset with your partner, you should consider talking about what upset you and focus on resolving it, rather than ending the relationship. But if this same issue has already been discussed, yet nothing changes and you keep feeling unsatisfied, hurt, or betrayed, then breaking up might be the only way to end the pattern. Your partner will ask you why you want out, and you should be prepared with answers. Before having "the talk" that ends the relationship, do your best to articulate the reasons you are breaking up. If you have trouble remembering examples during emotional discussions or arguments, write your reasons down in advance. It may help to talk this over with someone you trust, or with a counselor.


• Plan out how long you are willing to spend breaking up. The actual conversation in which you break up with this person can last a lot longer than it should, especially if your partner is devastated or completely surprised by your decision. It'll be much easier for you to stick to your guns if the conversation doesn't drag out. Expect to spend at least one hour breaking up, and longer if the relationship lasted a year or more. You may even want to arrange an appointment with a friend in a neutral location so that you can say "I'm supposed to meet John/Jane at the restaurant in fifteen minutes, so I have to go now."


• Break up in person. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but it can also be interpreted as cruel and cowardly. Unless you are a long distance away and choose not to wait until you see the person again, don't break up by phone, e-mail, or through an instant messenger system. And don't even think about breaking up with someone by pulling a disappearing act, even if it's just by suddenly eliminating contact with the person. The lack of closure can be psychologically damaging.

If you don't live together, break the news at his/her home and in private. They'll want to feel safe enough to respond emotionally--no one wants to be broken up with in public or near family and friends, and risk bursting into tears, or be forced to bottle up all those emotions. While you can break up with them at your place, making someone go home after getting news like that will be difficult, and could make them more bitter. If you are at your partner's home, you can leave after you feel you've made your decision clear.

If you live together, breaking-up will be particularly problematic and stressful; you should have a place where you can stay until the person you've broken up with digests the big change. You can either move all of your stuff while they're not home and then break up when they come home and notice, or break up and leave with some of your things with the intention to come back when things have calmed down to get the rest of your belongings. Either way will be very difficult for the other person, but only you know what's best for your situation.

• Break up calmly. If you say the dreaded words "We need to talk", your partner will immediately know what's going on, and that's not a bad thing. You don't want to blurt out "We need to break up" out of the blue, or worse, when you're in an argument. You need to approach the whole thing calmly and peacefully, with a sense of resolution. Sit down with your partner and let him or her know that you've decided to end the relationship.

to be continued

How Do You Know It’s Love?

Sometimes, we develop a particular fondness for the person we’re dating. We just can’t stop thinking about him/her, even after many, many hours savoring his/her company. We are left in a quandary about our feelings, and certain queasiness pervades our days. Then we ask ourselves the question: have we fallen in love with that person?Love is indeed a wonderful thing. But it is something that we should be certain about, least we spend many sleepless nights in deep thoughts and confusion. Sadly, determining the veracity of love is not always easy. Sometimes, a deep infatuation is equated with the same. So how do we know that it’s love… real love that is? What could we be sure that the other person is not only the object of our thoughts, but the object of our hearts as well? Here are some signs that would help us say that what we’re feeling is indeed love.

1. When, at the beginning of the day, you are already filled with thoughts of the other person: what he/she is doing, how he/she looks, what you could do to make him/her smile today… when something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with him/her, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph. You always wish that he/she would be right there with you, but even if he/she isn’t, it’s okay because you know that soon you will be together and you anticipate that. No moment, no matter how dull it seems like simply watching TV together, is ever a wasted moment. Every minute counts when you’re with that person.
2. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. Your ultimate happiness is to be able to make that other person happy, whether it is with you or with another person. You take care of him/her and you keep looking out for him/her. Be reminded however that making the other person happy does not include inflicting or causing harm to yourself or being untrue to yourself. You don’t ask that person to do sacrifices for you either, such as doing stuff you asked them to do just to prove their love to you.
3. You start to think of how it would be to be with this person forever… and you relish that dream or feeling. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together is not seen as being stuck with another person, but is considered to be a very wonderful idea.
4. Even if there are other people who are more beautiful or attractive, you still choose to be with this person. This means your commitment to this person is absolute. You have fully and undeniably decided to be with only him/her no matter what. It is not only love, but also devotion.
5. There is passion and fireworks, even after the infatuation period of six months. If you have been together for such a long time now, but aren’t bored out of your minds yet and can still feel the fire burning – simply because you keep it burning (and this requires dedication and effort), is a clear indication that love is still shared between two people.
6. There is a desire to understand each other, even at the biggest of arguments. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings. For example, no matter how fat she gets and no matter how much he drools when he sleeps, you still stay and love the person. Also, you stay true and honest to that person.
7. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person. And she/he has earned it well.

Getting over your crush!

So, you have a crush on this person, and you truly believe that he / she is one of a kind. But your crush does not reciprocate your feelings and has no romantic interest in you. It hurts you and bothers you on many levels.

After harboring a hope that your crush will eventually like

you or even fall in love with you for some time, you realize that the chances of the two of you getting involved romantically are dismal. But it still hurts - you still want to be with that person so badly. At the same time you realize that the right and the healthy thing for you to do is to get over him / her once and for all.
But it’s easier said than done. I want to suggest to you one powerful, five-step approch to getting over your crush permanently:

1. Realize that what you experience is an emotion, and as such it will take time to get over it. No one tip or advice will change how you feel in an instant. Only a conscious, continuous effort, lapse of sufficient time and patience on your part will allow you to fully recover from what you feel right now.



2. Stop harboring hope and imagining how great it would be spending time with your crush. Doing this only aggravates your condition and does absolutely no good to you. It's like opening a wound that just started healing. Do not do it.



3. Stop thinking that the person you have a crush on is one of a kind. It NOT TRUE. No matter how highly you think of him / her, there WILL be other people in your future that will be unique and speical in their own way, and this what will make you fall in love with them.



4. Refocus your attention and get busy. This is not that time to spend too much time alone and dwell on your situation. Pursue other romantic prospects, spend time with other people who are positive, supportive and funny, and pursue your professional, educational and social goals. Keep yourself busy to prevent boredom, because when boredom kicks in, all the negative, weak thoughts return to your mind.



5. Above all, remember: getting over the present crush will help you deal with similar situations in the future that will likely come and will make it much easier to get over a crush and move on with your life as a stronger, happier person, who is ready to date again

How to Have a Healthy Relationship Pt2

Cont. d from pt1

1. Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation.
   



2. Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. Respond to the real problem, to your true needs. It does not mean you or your partner are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it and say sorry. You'll be amazed how this works



3. Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.



4. Admit your mistakes and say sorry. Right after a misunderstanding or argument, tell your partner to give you some time to think of the wrong and right things that you and he/she did. Tell your partner to do the same thing and talk to them after 10-15 minutes. Tell your partner to give you time to talk and explain to them why you were angry, the wrong things you did, the things they did that you did not like and what you would like them to change. Ask your partner to do the same thing and give them a fair chance to talk and explain also. This will make your relationship stronger and help strengthen the communication between you and your partner.



5. Spend some quality time together. No matter how busy you two are, there is always an excitement when you do something together, when you share your precious time. Play a sport, eat at a restaurant, watch your favorite movies together. You will feel the magic of love and connection that you have with each other.



6. Laugh. Not only is it true that laughter is the best medicine, but it's also true that laughter can make a great relationship. In a tedious relationship, it is hard to communicate with your partner and share humorous feelings. Not only does laughing bring you two closer, but it also makes you seem fun and approachable.

How to Have a Healthy Relationship pt 1

There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.
Step

1. Do not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Ask yourself why you didn't? Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner. Your life is SOLELY under your control, with your relationship you have to take the good with the bad. You need to give as well as take.
   Make and keep clear agreements. Respect the difference between yourself and your partner. Don't expect he or she agrees with you on everything. Reach mutual agreement or plan, and then commit to it. If you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.



2. Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say. "If you loved me, you would..." and argue to hear the other say, "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences. If you can't reach any mutual agreement, that doesn't mean either of you is wrong or bad.



3. Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. A true relationship will consist of both partners who need to equally contribute. Not only is that the only type of relationship that will work out, but it will work out in both of your favor.



4. Tell the unarguable truth. Be truthful to yourself and your partner if you want true love. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection between you and your relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. For any sort of relationship to work you need to have trust.



5. Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation. Talk about the issue and try to reach a mutual agreement on how to handle the situation in the future and then commit to it. If you can't reach an agreement, it's a bad sign. If you learn from the past and do not repeat the same pattern, it's a good sign. It's the only way to prevent yourself from more disappointment, anger or resentment. Respect your partner, when your partner tells you to leave them alone, do give him or her the time and space.